Archive of "Matter of Laugh or Death," a humor column

 By Bill Dunn

Interesting observations on this thing we call life

(appearing each week in the Republican-American newspaper, Waterbury, CT)

Environmental Greening or Moral Preening?

Attention Span Is, Um...What?

Supermarket Helpful Hints

Grocery Shopping Not For the Faint of Heart

Spring Is Time for 'T.M.F.'

Groucho for President?

I'm Not Afraid of Anything - Except Fear

Winston Churchill: Statesman and Napper

The Flying Sardine Can

Taxing and Waxing Poetic

Getting Lost in the Translation

Ralph 'Quixote' Tilts Again at Presidential Windmill

The Hills Are Alive With a Confused Tourist

How to Solve the Health Care Crisis

Health Care Industry Needs Major Reform

New Thingee Enters the 21st Century

Catholic No-Meat Rule Kind of Fishy

The 'FLOMAX' Life Too Strenuous for This Guy

New Study: Middle-Age Is Depressing

Sweaty Gym a Breath of Fresh Air

Shortest Month Has Many Holidays

Prof. Grammar Guy Be Helping You Out

Comfort More Important Than Fashion

There Is Moron TV Besides Judge Judy

Hybrid Words are Absotively Ginormous

To Be or Not To Be at the Mall

Shopping Battle Comes Down to the Wire

'The Nativity Story' a New Family Tradition

Avoiding Christmas Stress

Dumb Criminals Giving State a Bad Name

Dumpster Divers Set New Standards for Weirdness

Schedule Too Busy

A Complaint Free World

Bureaucratic Nightmare on the High (Low) Seas

Halloween Has Religious Origins

What To Do About Distressing Situation?

Grateful for Opportunity to Complain

College Roommates: The Art of Friction

Ten Commandments for Motorists

Um...Thanks for Sharing

Hey Guys, Party at My House!

Time for a Braveheart Presidential Debate

Golf (and this Golfer) in Decline

Exact Time of Day Is Precisely Wrong

Gas Grille Fires Up Conscience

The Lifeblood of the U.S. Economy

Political Knowledge Is Not Power

'Prep Day' Brings Hunger Pangs

Dad Has a Boat -- Call 9-1-1

Truth and the Art of Fiction

Backseat Travel Adventures More Interesting Than DVD

Leaky Mattress Is Feelin' Groovy

Why Didn't I Think of That?

Car Wash Daydream Turns To Wet Reality

New Cable Networks in the Near Future

Unwanted Emails From Above

This Guy Trips the Light Fan-Spastic

Old Videotape Causes TV Nostalgia

College Student Gets Lesson on Taxation

Professorial Delusions of Grandeur

This Contest Is a Corker

Class Clown Will Win Cork Contest

Being Green Requires a Lot of Green

Only Minutes Away From a Holy Shrine

Mid-life Crisis Alumni Game

Hi-Tech Office Is High-Stress Office

Playing Well With Others Key to Success

Public Speaking Anxiety Reaches Audience

When Imagination Goes Dry, Try Reality

The Name of the Game Is Despair

Revealed Secret Cuts Me to the Quick

Old Fogey Offers Unsolicited Advice

Finally a Member of the Bad Back Club

Orange You Glad I Can Concentrate?

When Lips Are Loose, Watch Your Caboose

Inventing Famous Quotes Easier Said Than Dunn

Is A Used Gift Rude?

A Sparkling Donut Shop

Parking Lots Are Hazardous

To CAP or not to CAP, that is the QuEsTiOn

Loss of Voice Means It's Mime Time

Battle of the Sexes Is Unfair

Skipping Christmas This Year

Apology for a 'Senior Moment'

The Season for Fashion Change

The Art of Fiction: Supermodels and Candidates

Campaign Ads Target Trusting Generation

Campaign Ads Are Deceptive -- And Effective

Muscle Cars and Manhood

Family Slide Show: No Literacy Required

Poetry Fan Has Miles To Go

Email Humor Not Funny ... Again

One-Man Tribe About To Cash In

Thou Shalt Not Add to the Commandments

Coming Clean About Fictitious Family

Lyme Disease No Bloody Joke, Mate

Is Red Sox - Yankees Rivalry 'Abnormal'?

The Readers Reply: 'Pets Rule!'

Sexist Language Manipulation (Person-ulation?)

Cheezy Arms Have No Whiz

Gas Grille Brings Out Guys' Primitive Side

Fighting Like Cats and Dogs

Leaving Behind a Cherished Gift

4th of July History Lesson

'Gilmore Girls' a Hit with Guys, Too

French Workers of the World Unite

The Season of Tender Tootsies

Umbrella-phobia and Rainy Daze

Early Morning Hotel Humor

Graduation Words of Wisdom

Time To H.I.D.E. from Summer Dangers

'My Space' Should Be Private Space

Call for 'Da Vinci' Boycott Will Backfire

Super-sized Society Has Nothing to Fear

Victoria's Secret Drops Bombshell

New Car Has Lots of Vroom

Cradle-Robbing Men Kind of Creepy

Trying to Avoid Accidents

Love Notes From the Fans

News Flash! Image of Jesus Appears on Windshield!

Cheerleading Is Dangerous - Especially For Its Critics

Oh Well, That's Just Billy Being Silly

Being an Event Planner Too Stressful

Figure Skating Too Glam For This Sports Fan

The Olympics: Time To Tug Heartstrings

Wireless Gizmos and Phantom Phone Calls

English 'U-G-H' Must Gough

Sound Bites Bite

The Five-Second Rule

Boomers Exclaim: 'Watch Me Get Old!'

Time for New Year's Resolutions

Hark! The Herald Angels Cringe

BB Gun and Christmas Movie Fun

Office Party Etiquette

The Grinches Are At It Again

Shopping Season Battle of the Sexes

Getting Ready for the Pie Holy Day

Car License Plates Are Too Artsy

Time to Say 'I'm Sorry'

Painful Experience at the Dentist Office

The Spectacular Colors of Fall

Sports Addict Needs Support Group

Changing Insurance Is Painful

Invasion of the Agents

Teen Girls Dress Like Tarts

'We the People' Need a New Mattress Sale

Tobacco Nannies On the Prowl

Business Efficiency in the 21st Century

Chronically Tardy Daughter Raises Blood Pressure

Grown-Up Hobbies Are Not Cheap

Please Put On A Shirt

Private Sector Working Conditions Not Fair

Million-Dollar Buildings, 10-Cent Sound Systems

Be Careful What You Say When Someone Leaves the House

Venturing Into the Unknown

Breaking News From Your Town!

Time For A Change

Highways Will Be Safe on October 1st

A Tip of the Cap to a Cap Fanatic

Just Call Him Joe Condo

Sad Sights Courtesy of the State Government

Is It Warm In Here?

Airport Character Studies

What's In the Bottle, Water or Gold?

The Days Slip Away

What Is Your 'Tie-Q'?

Springtime Abuzz with Activity

What Is 'Middle Age'?

With Trepidation, A Visit To Starbucks

Government Forms Put Me in the Poorhouse

A Mysterious Bedtime Story

Baseball, Steroids, and Political Grandstanding

Madness Marches on the Sidelines

Identifying the Identity Thieves

Danke Schoen for the Advice, Wayne

Don't Fall For Gravity Hype

Why Wear A Coat? It's Only Below Zero

Technical Explanation of Winter Heating Woes

Yellow Light Means 'Gun It!'

Cell Phone Call: 'Flangoo Hemmie Cow?'

Journalistic Integrity and the Art of Fiction

Fighting Like Cats and Dogs

Winter! Bah, Humbug!

Hangovers Are No Party

Junk Mail Brings Treasure

Special Gifts at Christmas

A Grim Fairy Tale

50th Anniversary Party Lots of Laughs

Trials and Tribulations of a Recording Artist

Meatball Surgery In The Office

The 'Look At Me' Generation Takes To The Gridiron

Sox Appeal

Need a Good Grounding

Home Handyman Skills are Half-Fast

Not Easy Being Wife of Sports Nut

I Swear Customer Service Job Is a Pain

Good Samaritans Save Car Repair Bumbler

Honesty the Best (Campaign) Policy

Without a Dog or Cable TV, Kids Are Deprived

Learning About American Capitalism

I Can't Wait To Be Special

Taking Umbrage with RV Campers

Men Must Keep Emotions In Check

Most Embarrassing Moments

Camping Nightmare Makes Him 'Leave the Light On'

25th Reunion Is Lots of Laughs

Vacations Can Be Hard Work

Fun and Relaxation on the Links

The Teacher Becomes the Student

Driving Lessons Reveal Hypocrisy

Youth Sports Memories Last Forever ... Unfortunately

Mall Mutants and Other Travel Tales

Major Faux Pas in Le Mart Du Wal

Opinion Polls: Plus-or-Minus Comedy of Errors

Youth Sports Takes Toll On Parents

Time To Turn Over a Rude Leaf

This Horoscope a Real Horror Scope

Tag Sale Prompts Lawless Behavior

Car Shopping Adventure

Hurray! Spring Has Sprung

The Readers Reply: Nutmeg Pride is Alive and Well

Living Last Day Is Hard Work

The World's Oldest Profession

Control-Alternate-Delete My Sanity

Time Flies By Too Fast

Nutmeg State Pride

Coffee Junkie Needs a Fix

Is College Worth It?

Diets Come and Diets Go, But Bacon Is Forever

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...

Name a Star? A Lot of Hot Gas

Hand-Shaking Backlash

TV Blackout Is Painful Experience

Yes, These Seats Are Saved

America Needs Anti-Viagra

Hand-shaking Dilemma During Cold and Flu Season

Radical Resolution: No Boob Tube

Christmas Spirit Still Alive in Cynical Age

New Entitlement Prompts Question: Where's Mine?

Cursive Writing a Lost Art

My Secret Life with Michael Jackson

The War Against Nature

Victory Declared in Battle of the Bulge

Tonight We Have a Really Big Shoe

Should Elderly Drivers Be Re-tested?

Surprise! Men and Women Are Different

Breaking the Emotional Ties to Sports

Weather Forecasts Cause Frustration

Computer Virus Smashes Email Box

Better To Have Loved and Lost...

The 3 R's: Reading, 'Riting, Rock n' Roll

Key Principles About Economics and Government Spending

'Seven Years of College Down the Drain'

Unhealthy Consumer Products

Teen Fashion Rated 'R' for Ridiculous

Teaching is a Tough Profession

Middle-Aged Musings

DMV Nightmare Turns to Dream

Pulling for the Airline Industry

Blood Supply Shortage

Information Overload Reaching Critical Mass

The Sad Story of a Boy and His Dog

The Readers Respond

The Golden Rule of Gossip

Demolition Derby on the Highways

Urgent Request for Ideas

Business Writing Primer

Run For Fun? I Don't Think So

A Little Help From My Friends

What's in a Name?

High-Level Negotiations

A Wrinkle in Togs

Cool Not As Permanent As Tattoo

Restaurant Observations

Mom Slaps Away Budget Problem

March Madness Comes With Make-Up and Sequins

Playing the Waiting Game

Shampoos Are All the Same

Manhood Is in the Bag

Aging Process Comes As a Surprise

Time to be a Man and Carry a Purse

To Move or Not To Move, That Is the Question

Discussing a Difficult Subject

Fun Facts About Groundhog Day

Business Lunches Not Bribery

Profanity is Everywhere These Days

Close Encounters of the Teen Kind

The Facts of Life Can Be Gross

Celebrating New Year's Eve

Fun Christmas Gifts

Christmas Card Stress

Holiday Displays Bring Joy to Many

Too Dark and Cold This Time of Year

Pep Talk for Thanksgiving Day Battle

No Cheese, Please

Fund Raising Funnies

Hiya Doon? Don't Tell Me

Clearing Up Campaign Confusion

To-Do List Obsession

I Never Forget a Face

Rock Concerts Are Hard Work These Days

The Geek Shall Inherit the Earth

No Fun Being Seasick

Mud Slinging Season Is Here

Allergic to (Golf) Nuts

The Joy of Leftovers

Beach Vacation Delights the Senses

The History of Air Conditioning (Sort of)

Ask Dr. Information

Getting Ready for College

Software Keys, Mr. Freeze & Idiosyncrasies

Lessons in Diversity

Snapshot Expert

The Amazing World of [Fill in the Blank]

Taboo Topic a Lot of Hot Air

Need for Sleep a Major Flaw

Baseball Identity Crisis

Fat Was Once Fashionable

Hotel Room Adventures

The Bleepin' Osbournes: Lovely Bleepin' Role Models

Too Much Sun No Fun

New National Pastime: Complaining

Career Counseling From an Expert

Air Travel Still Dangerous

Sobriety Abuse at College

Our Civic Duty to Conserve Water

Hog Heaven Not So Heavenly

A New Horror Movie: Going to the Theater

Honesty is Best -- Even with Telemarketers

You've Got Mail -- A Lot of Mail

Our House Is Stuffed With Stuff

Check Out Line Literature

Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall

This Means War

Dance the Night Away

Humor is a Serious Business

Clutter Is In the Eye of the Beholder

Protecting My Little Girl

Where Do They Get the Energy?

Talking About Sports

A Christmas Eve Tradition

You're Too Old for the Holidays When...

It's a Blunderful Life

Character-Building Experience: Are We There Yet?

Donuts Saved My Life

Modern Heresy: No Cable TV

Reason to Give Thanks

A Tree-Mendous Problem

Camping Trip? No Thanks

Math Is Life

Share Problems at Your Own Risk

TV Tunes Stuck in Head

Tonight's Episode: The Wild Jungle

Lessons in Buying a Used Car

I'm Addicted and I Can't Sleep It Off

Nothing is Funny Today

Caddy Job is in the Bag

Tag Sale Blues

Warning: Object in Mirror is Older Than You Think

You've Got to Hand it to These Guys

'As Long as You're Living in this House...'

Thunderstorm Season Once Again

Spell-Czech Knot Always Write

Color My World

20/20 Vision Only a Zap-Zap Away

Time to Start a College Fund

Founding Fathers Fashion Fantasy

Your Call Cannot Be Completed Due to Total Confusion

No Laughing Matter

It's in the Cards

Willy High and Loman

Better to Have Loved and Lost...

What Would Jesus Do?

Baby Boomers Face Quandary

Bride Battles Boorish Blather

No Surprises on this Birthday

Memory Ready To Fade

Distracted Driving and Highway Safety

Spring Rites and Tax Bites

It's for My Own Good

Spring Ahead, Fall Apart

I Have a Peach of a Plumber

Cure Is Worse Than Disease

Lack of Maintenance Kills Car

Study of Left-Handers Can't Be Right

Honking Horns and Flipping Birds

There's Snow Place Like Home

Computer Bug Makes the Rounds

Air Rage is All the Rage

Affordable Health Care: It's A Guy Thing

United States Hair Force

Hugs Not Slugs

Doze Were the Days

Junk Mail Goes High-Tech

A Christmas Carol: Epilogue

Negotiations Come Down to the Wire

Hark! The Herald Angels Cringe

Smile! You're on Rancid Camera

Thanksgiving Nightmare

Experience Makes You an Expert

Alarm Clock Driving Me Crazy

Pennies are Obsolete

Truthfulness of these Essays

Teaching a Teenager to Drive

Parent-Teacher Night

Time for a Padded Cell (Phone)

Casablanca Weirdness

Naps are Good for the Soul

Hollywood Violence Explodes Out of Control

My First 911 Call

No-Laundry Streak - Part 2

No-Laundry Streak in Jeopardy

Observations from the Road

Old Guys at Fenway Park

Notes from a Y2K Bunker

Future Rulings from the Supreme Court

Misguided Moms Put Feelings Ahead of Facts